On breakup #2 (with the same guy)

Yeah, you hear right. Over whatsapp. Last breakup was Nov 2013. Jeez. So. It hurts LIKE HELL. Like seriously. My feelings. My 5-years-long feelings. But I’m pretty sure it’s over for good. Which HUGELY sucks. Because it was fun. And it was pretty rad. And I loved spending time w him. And kissing him. And sex. And stuff. BUT ANYHOW. As I was saying. Pretty sure it’s over for good. My heart is so not ready for that. Like seriously I have no clue how I’m going to get over it. Seriously. 100% no clue. And if only I could have painless version, you know? [EDIT: Definitely doesn’t suck that it’s over. Made zero fucking sense. He feels nothing and cares even less. So my heart is perfectly fine(despite the hurting, that has seen itself diminished after realizing that).]

BUT.

My self-care was DYING for love and attention. Seriously. I can’t say that enough. I’ve never been very good at self care. I’m prone to depression-ish episodes and I’m full of fear and insecurities and shit. So let’s say I’ve never really had a good tranquile relationship with myself. However I definitely need to change that, basically, ASAP. I’m turning 20 (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) in like less than a year and that’s like an involuntary HUGE deal for me. So I’m going to try and make this processing as joyous as I possibly can, respecting the ebbs and the flows of course but yep. I need to explore. But yeah. J-O-Y. And most probably, a bit further on, start doing stupid things I’ve never done. But for the moment hellooooooo me, let’s try to be as full of joy as possible, kay?

CNYA5zQWwAE2P3Y

C.

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