New year, (hopefully) MUCH more ME.

Changing from a year to another is always all kinds of cathartic and special to me. Yep, I’m overly aware about how it’s only the next day in the calendar. Literally just a minute of difference. BUT. I just get to start over, you know? To (at least try and) leave aaaaaaall of the crap behind. And that is just pure gold to me. Seriously.

I’m already in love with this year. I know that is overly crazy, but I think probably just anything can be better than the all-kinds-of-out-of-controll-desperately-dying-inside-just-going-with-the-flow-like-a-dead-human me.

And, well, after zombie period (which, sadly, I’m pretty sure lasted in total much more than just this last year) I’m like WOAH LADY WHAT HAPPENED WITH GROWING MENTALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY DURING ALL THIS TIME! So yeah. Shift happens. And oh am I glad it does.

Sooooo. I’m trying the whole One Little Word thingy this year (google it), and after cracking my head desperately it came to me that, despite me wanting to shake and me like a hurricane already, I needed sooo much work first. And so my word for 2016 came: unfold.

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I love all of it. Seriously. Every single translation to spanish. Every definition. Every synonym. THAT’S WHAT I WANT MY YEAR TO BE LIKE.

I need all the opening up. All the unfolding my inner self, my mess, my true me. All the exposing myself. All the revealing, all the clarity. Definitely all the developing. And oh do I hope for all the blossoming out 🙂

As a supportive word for me, I chose BE. I still have to write my manifesto with be. I keep coming up with bits and pieces of it in my head (but, of course, I haven’t written a single bit of it, so gotta think hard about it all over again! Ha!). Be goes with so many guiding stuff I need for the year. But, mainly… BE TRULY ALIVE.

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C.

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Cerrando etapas.

Aún no soy del todo consciente de que no va a haber Gredoslandia a la que volver en septiembre, con los profesores de siempre, con mis compañeros de siempre. Aún no soy consciente de que hay mucha gente a la que posiblemente no vuelva a ver nunca, de que todo lo que viene ahora es nuevo, de que ahora toca plantarse en la vida real.

Aún no soy consciente, aún no soy consciente… De que todo se acabó, y a la vez todo vuelve a empezar.

último día en gredoslandia

 

C.

Invictus.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

–William  Ernest Henley. 

Tengo la extraña concepción de no malgastar trocitos de mi corazón en darle más importancia a relaciones que no son más de lo que pueda percibir, y os aseguro que se me da muy bien percibir. Así que mi corazón está lleno de personitas especiales y únicas que llenan tanto espacio que pueden ser contadas con una sola mano. No necesito más. La mayor parte del tiempo me dejo llenar de momentos que pronto se convierten en recuerdos. Error, vivir a menudo de recuerdos. Segundo error, pensar demasiado en mi existencia. Nueva decisión, dejarme llevar y disfrutar del camino. Segunda nueva decisión, no negarme el simple placer de disfrutar de cosas que me hacen feliz. Que aleatoriedad de post. En fin. Talking nonsense is the best.

C.

Sometimes the world seems to be full of sense. But when you realize it’s not, you start to love nonsense.